


Not Yet (Now)

by sunkissedmorning



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, clueless!Spock, stubborn!Jim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-15 22:44:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3464795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunkissedmorning/pseuds/sunkissedmorning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times James T. Kirk refused to surrender (and the one time he didn't)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Yet (Now)

1.

James Tiberius Kirk can taste the dirt in his mouth and feel it coating his wind-swept hair. His ears are filled with the sounds of a purring engine, classic rock tuning out a screaming step-father, and sirens blaring behind him.

He's never gone this fast before. Except he has. He has no memories of a fleeing shuttle craft and a grief-stricken mother. He does know the stories and where his mother keeps George Kirk's posthumous commendations.

Young Kirk doesn't think about this now as he speeds down the road, passing a down-trodden Sam on his way. Both boys may be running away from home, but all Jim cares about is seeing Iowa pass by him as fast as possible.

The sirens are getting louder and closer and Jim prays it'll never end. That the adrenaline pulsing through his veins will never let up and he'll always feel like this. He doesn't want to consider what turning around might mean and how it will feel.

He sees only horizon and untouched dirt in front of him, convinced that this is an endless path. The thought causes a laugh to bubble up from his throat, and he takes a moment to look back at the dust and his pursuer.

His horizon slowly starts to disappear as he looks ahead again. His stomach drops at the thought of an end but the adrenaline pushes him on. Not yet, not yet, he tells himself. He's not ready to go back, refuses to go back and feel that again. He wants to feel this, only this.

It's the adrenaline and not his conscience that catapults him out of the car at the last possible moment.

2.

It's an impossible task and there is no way this will end well for him. But he's never let anyone get away with talking like that to him in his bar. Tonight will be no different.

Jim Kirk doesn't understand the meaning of the word 'disadvantage', though enough people whispered it behind his mother's back while looking pitifully on two fatherless boys.

The number of bodies throwing punches mean little to him, only the spirit behind them. And dammit, he's got enough anger and energy to take on the whole damn county. It's the copious amount of alcohol that may slow him down, he reasons internally.

He doesn't remember how this all started and he sure as hell doesn't care. He's lunging and throwing a punch anywhere it will land. He is desperate to fight his way out of the fog of emotion that keeps creeping up. He wants to touch the impossible again and ignores the oncoming cuts and bruises. He's always been too pretty for his own good, anyway.

The dust in his mind finally starts to settle when his back hits a table and the wind is knocked out of him. Someone is yelling and organizing chaos. "No, no, no," he whispers. "I'm not ready for it to end, not yet."

3.

Bones is giving him that forlorn look like "I'm sorry your dog just got ran over". It's actually more like "Sorry you just got all 800 of us killed in a simulation and now you look like an ill-prepared Starfleet officer. Thanks for trying. Come again". Except he shouldn't. No one wants to feel this kind of failure a second time.

There is a weight on his chest and his eyes are dry from focusing on the test for the last forty-five minutes. Another group is entering the simulation room as his crew leaves. He can sense the presence of the next bastard ready to take his seat.

Cadet Kirk doesn't want to move, doesn't want to give up command, even if at this point it's a thin thread of imaginary command.

"Yo, Kirk, you done?" he hears behind him.

He's not. He's absolutely not done. He's not ready to give in and allow the failure to seep into his pores. He's not ready to get a slap on the back from some officer who will tell him, "Welcome to the club."

Fuck the club. I'm not like you. I'm not going to be anything like you.

He quickly gets out of the chair and turns around to face the next contestant on the Kobayashi Maru. The naive kid is grinning and Jim can sense the excitement rolling off his skin. He doesn't feel it, Jim thinks. He doesn't feel the fear, the embarrassment, the failure, the impending doom that you are responsible for hundreds of deaths.

"You done?" the kid repeats, eying the captain's chair in front of him.

Jim takes a deep breath through his nose and starts to leave the room. "No," he says without turning around.

4.

There's blood pouring out of his nose and both eyes are swelling up. There's a sense of déjà vu and he thinks he can smell alcohol and sweat around the blood. Except that he can't.

Captain Kirk is being screamed at in a very inhumanoid language. He's not sure what's coming out of his guard's mouth or even if that is a mouth.

It's obvious that his abusers want something from him, even more obvious that he has no clue what it is that they want. What he does know is that this is a race with little understanding of humanoid physiology and will. They may be strong enough to break his nose, but they have no concept of the effects of adrenaline on the body.

Kirk has witnessed all of his landing crew get the shit kicked out of them, as well as the experience of his own beating. There's emerald green blood trickling down Spock's scalp and deep red bruises forming around Sulu's left eye. A Red Shirt lies unconscious in the corner.

It takes merely seconds for his seething anger to boil over to intense rage. Spock must sense that his captain is about to attack. He frees himself of his inadequate bonds, apparently playing in to his captors' game until the right moment. This would be it.

Spock and Kirk tackle the screamer and wrap their chains around what they hope is his neck. Sulu grabs some sort of weapon from the guard and moves to get the Red Shirt awake.

Their escape is less graceful than Captain Kirk would like, with Sulu dragging the Red Shirt behind him and the Captain and First Officer bumbling around looking for an exit. It happens, though, and as soon as they see daylight, they run into the diplomat they were originally sent to see.

The diplomat, with translator in tow this time, tries to kindly explain to the captain and his landing party that the past few hours were a simple game that got out of control.

"We had not anticipated such a reaction from the captain of a Starfleet vessel. We sincerely apologize for the misunderstanding. We thought you would simply wait out the requisite time in our holding cells before being properly introduced to our leaders."

"Yeah, well, where I come from pushing, punching and forced imprisonment aren't considered friendly, let alone diplomatic. Your thugs harmed my crew during what was supposed to be a peaceful diplomatic mission. Your expectations of my reaction were incorrect. Now, if you don't mind," the captain snarls, "I request the use of our communication devices so I may contact my crew aboard the Enterprise."

"Your request," the diplomat preens, "is, of course, approved. May I say, I am quite impressed with the apparent dedication you show your crew?"

Captain Kirk is too busy speaking to Scotty through his communicator to pay attention to what the diplomat has to offer. All he cares about is getting his crew off this damn planet.

5.

"Captain," his First Office sighs.

"No, no, no formality right now, Spock," Jim spits out. "You are requesting to permanently leave your assignment aboard the USS Enterprise and I'm officially denying it. But I get to scream at your for putting me through this personally."

"Jim," Spock tries again, "I understand you passionately disagree with my assessment and wish for me to remain in my present position. However, if we are to use personal feelings in this conversation, I must confess to you that I sincerely wish to resign my post."

"And I'm calling bullshit and telling you no!" Jim is pacing around his quarters, anxious for this conversation to turn in his favor.

"New Vulcan's not going anywhere," he continues. "No one would be stupid enough to blow up Vulcan twice." Spock would have flinched had he been a whole human. Instead, he merely closes his eyes and walks toward his captain.

"Jim, please allow me time with my people. Consider at least approving an extended leave of absence." Spock's hands are still behind his back but Jim sees softness in his eyes that he interprets as a small victory.

"Fine," the captain relents, "you get six weeks of leave but then you are back here. Permanently. Do you understand? You have responsibilities to Starfleet, to this crew, and to me."

"Of course, Captain."

***

Jim waits for Scotty's nod that it's all done and Spock is really and truly and safely back aboard the Enterprise.

There are no flowers or chocolate or anything equivalent to Vulcan romance (if it exists). Jim Kirk walks onto the transporter platform, wraps his arms around Spock, and leans in for a strong, deep kiss.

"You," he says breathing heavy and pulling back to look into those dark eyes, "are never allowed to do that again."

Spock cocks his head in confusion and asks, "Did you miss my presence aboard the ship, Captain?"

"I missed you," Kirk replies solemnly. "And I mean it. Your place is here on the Enterprise with me."

Spock steps away and takes a quiet moment to contemplate recent events.

"Captain, I believe your behavior suggests you wish for more than comradery and companionship from me."

"You would be correct, Mr. Spock. I wish for a hell of a lot more than that." Jim's eyes are dark and alive and can't stop staring at Spock.

Scotty is yet again pretending not to notice strange events in the transporter room. Why did so much fraternization happen around him?

"Well then," Spock begins as he leads his captain out the room and away from Mr. Scott, "it appears I returned just in time."

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published on livejournal July 15, 2009.


End file.
